summer of

this is the summer
or a faux summer,
because it seems to rain more then it shines
where i should be discovering things,
who i am
and what i do

and then,
today,
i thought about university
which is a bit soon
and i thought
wait,
wait,
am i ready for this?
what the fuck am i going to do at uni?
yes, learn things, get drunk, make friends

but i always always wanted to travel
since i was a little
"im going on a gap year to england"

but it was easier to lapse into the
the standard-ness
that is university
and if i go this year,
then ill be twenty when i finish
twenty and finished university

what then?
hi life,?
it hard to imagine me knowing my future
when im only twenty because
thats soon
and im so uncertain now
and certainty and decision doesnt just come overnight
or after a relatively ambiguous degree

someone,
reveal something to me?
tell me,