strange

i feel really weird today
this morning i felt like crying, for no real reason at all
i just felt.. i dont even know?
was it sad? i dont think so
i felt so neutral - so just, whatever
like i didn't give a fuck about anything at all
i didnt particularly feel like school either

i dont know
i dont know a lot of things
sometimes i feel like i dont know anything

im scared for next year
for the 13th of december - for results
what if i fuck up?
what if everyone is disappointed in me? what if i let everyone down?
everyone, myself included, has expectations of me. but im frightened.
i dont want to grow up